i am nothing without pretend

It's amazing how crushing you still feel on top of me,

even if it really was only once that your body weight

pressed into mine, made mineinconsequential.

This was the real first time, with love

and all that. A dorm room, plastered with childhood

and that beer pong smell. I only smelt turquoise and

baby teeth.We were babies swinging from monkey bars,hanging by our chests and swingingfrom our middles, eyes locking ondifferent points.Fumbling for what was trying to come naturally, butonly as time wore onward wouldwe learn was only natural forone of us.Even when we reached connection, youpushed as deep as a needle inside of me,my arms gave out from under me andyou faltered.We moved independently together,moths circling the same flame before death,my right wing caught fire first, your leftburning just as quickly.I still have burns and scars on my arm,blisters and boils grow where they touch me.Staying alone lets me stay with you, pretendingyou wanted me.

Via *

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